Still Suffering from Unrequited Love and Wondering What to Do about It | Print |  E-mail
Tuesday, 19 February 2013

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I suffer from PTSD from a very unique trauma. My mother has Borderline Personality Disorder and destroyed my path in life a very long time ago. She made me leave the man I loved, that was her main goal.

Although I am lucky to have found another great man and have been married for almost 22 years and have 5 amazing kids (triplets and twins!!), I am still experiencing the pain of this loss.

We never broke up with each other, as we loved each other and wanted a future together.

My mother broke me down in every way until I felt that suicide was the only way out of pain. My boyfriend felt the same way.

Didn't she ever read Romeo & Juliet? I guess not.

Anyway, I was referred to you regarding PTSD and I would like to know what kind of self help I can use to help me with this unusual loss in my life. Thank you!


Dear Alana,
First of all, kudos to you for finding a great husband and enjoying a wonderful marriage with five amazing kids, in spite of the way the decks were stacked against you by your mentally ill mother.  

Bravissima and hip, hip, hooray for you!!

Now that Ive gotten that out of my system, I do have some suggestions for putting this to rest in a peaceful way.  

Let me just say up front that this list Im about to provide is probably overkill; you wouldnt have to do all of these things to get some resolution.  But you can pick and choose, starting with what most appeals to you or feels easiest to do. And all three approaches, Im pretty sure, will get the job done and then some.  One thought: it may be way easier to say goodbye to this guy than to forgive your mother, and that may be the underlying issue that will need addressing at some point.

  • In the guided imagery department, Id recommend the Ease Grief imagery. It fits well with this situation and repeated listening could be a big help.  Id pair that imagery with our Anger & Forgiveness audio program, to help you with your feelings toward your mother but only if you feel ready to consider the possibility of forgiving her dont impose this on yourself if youre not ready.

  •  Theres a very effective dialogue-writing technique created years ago by Ira Progoff that would be perfect for this.  It would allow you to say all the things you still feel you need to say to your old sweetheart and to hear back from him, too (I know that sounds crazy, but its set up in such a way that it really works you have a real dialogue and its consistent with the character, situation, language and context of the actual relationship. Ive done it and its pretty amazing.)  You could either take a workshop very gratifying - or just order the workbook  the guidance is pretty straightforward and youll succeed either way.

  • You could augment resolution with one of the highly effective acupoint tapping techniques either EFT (emotional freedom technique) or TFT (thought field therapy) to name two popular ones. This method is also pretty odd looking, but who cares if it helps?  You can pop over to Mary Sises or Carol Looks website for guidance, personal one-on-one help via Skype or in person, or actual products that can guide you, step by step.  

Okay, so those are my suggestions.  Wishing you the very best with this.


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Comments (4)Add Comment
written by Shelley, February 20, 2013
Hi, Alana!

I can relate to you in more ways than one, and might I suggest a few more products you might want to consider on the HJ website?

The "Heal Your Emotional Heart" 3-pack has helped me deal with the issue of heartbreak. I, too, suffered the loss of my first love because of my jealous and mentally ill mother (possibly borderline?) when I was a teenager.

This package includes the wonderful "Anger and Forgiveness" by Belleruth, as well as her Heartbreak, Abandonment & Betrayal, and Emmett Miller’s brilliant Accepting Change and Moving On.

I have used all 3 of these to ease my old heartbreak (25 yrs ago). We also have PTSD in common, so know you are not alone! I am rooting for you, and hope you find some relief soon.

To Healing Unrequited Love,
written by Shelley, February 20, 2013
Hi, Alana!

Healing the Emotional Heart helped me in dealing with a similar situation, and it includes Belleruth's "Anger and Forgiveness".

"Heartbreak, Abandonment & Betrayal, teamed up with Anger & Forgiveness; and Emmett Miller’s brilliant Accepting Change and Moving On"

Good luck with your healing!
written by Heather, February 21, 2013
I am encouraged by the suggestions here. I am grieving the abuse and subsequent suicide of a man I was once married to. I find it hard to grieve that which I do not understand as well as my own medical issues that have compromised my ability to cope with this traumatic loss. The projects mentioned I have made a note of. I am very grateful that these products are available as in studying my own neurology these last ten years, I am understanding that if one's brain does not work properly neither does one's life or capacity to share love.

I now have hope for my future. Thank you!
written by Belleruth, February 22, 2013
Wishing you the best, Heather. Here's to your future!

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